Inside Madeleine by Paula Bomer

Author:Paula Bomer [Bomer, Paula]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-1-61695-310-2
Publisher: Soho Press
Published: 2014-05-13T04:00:00+00:00

Six months went by and my life in Boston got shittier week by week. I had begged Ron to take me back, on my hands and knees. I don’t know what came over me. It was ugly. It freaked him out. But it didn’t freak me out. I was proud to be so vulnerable, so honest. And I was a bit relieved to have made that one final effort. I felt so lost without him and I still couldn’t get myself off, not that I ever tried very hard. I just wanted him. Then I heard he had another girlfriend. It was the thing I feared the most, the thing I had obsessed over—did he have someone else? Did he?—and when I found out he did, it set me free even more than the begging on hands and knees. Now, this setting free was not a one note sort of freedom. First it set me free of eating properly and taking care of myself in any way. Then it freed me to cry for hours at a time every day or so for about three weeks. But then it freed me in other ways. A lightness. I bought tickets to Buenos Aires. I was going to teach English there. And freedom has its high, even if you never wanted to be free in the first place. I was going to miss Boston, where people still ate bacon, girls at rock clubs dressed like they were going to a Led Zeppelin concert in 1971, and hangovers were savored slowly in bed all weekend long. But I knew I had to leave because it was Ron’s town. That song, “It used to be his town, it used to be her town too,” had been haunting me for weeks. Someone always wins and it wasn’t going to be me. I was many things: young, hopeful, lacking cynicism, and unbeknownst to me, still able to adjust and change to all sorts of circumstances. But a winner I wasn’t. Before going to Buenos Aires, I decided to visit Lise.

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